5 Points Against Gay Marriage

... or Why Curtis Adams shouldn't marry Curtis Adams. Here's a sample from Argument #1 (chores):

In a properly functioning heterosexual household, the chores are naturally divided for maximum efficiency: the woman does the cooking and the cleaning, and the man does all the heavy football-watching.

But in my household, we're both watching football while the kitchen goes un-mopped. At commercial breaks, we stare at each other puzzled: Who's going to bring us another beer? Who's going to make us more guacamole (the good kind of fat)?⁽¹⁾

⁽¹⁾ See the comments under the original post for the guacamole discussion (Is guacamole a gay issue now?).